#145 Lessons for Mothers with Cancer
A review of Elizabeth Hodges book: I Can’t Have Cancer, I Have Carpool!
Image from Elizabeth Hodges
When Elizabeth Hodges was diagnosed with a form of blood cancer at the age of 38, there were scarcely any resources written for young mothers dealing with all the challenges of a life-altering diagnosis. It took her eighteen years of doing, learning, and reflection but she put her most valuable lessons together in a short, readable volume titled: I Can’t Have Cancer, I Have Carpool.
I had the privilege of meeting Ms. Hodges at an author event in my hometown. She speaks and writes openly about all the fears, challenges, and successes of her cancer journey. She is quick to acknowledge that every person has to make their own way in their own unique cancer journey. There are, however, many lessons to learn from those people who have gone before us.
The subtitle of her book is: Lessons on Beating Cancer While Being a Mom. In each of her eleven chapters, the author tells a story that illustrates an important lesson that she learned along the way. She includes references to useful research and her own perspectives on finding the right medical team, informing the school community of a cancer diagnosis, handling the big emotions, and finding a support system. She tackles tough issues of anxiety, anger, sadness, intimacy, and managing new life expectations. When Hodges could not find a support group for folks with her diagnosis, chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML,) she formed one herself.
What the author does in plain terms, is to present the approach to her life and her disease that worked for her. She concedes that she had favorable resources: education, good medical insurance, helpful family members, and a treatable diagnosis. Every person will need to define the fuel in their life that propels them each day. For Hodges and a lot of young mothers, that inspiration will be their precious and dependent children. When the author realizes her constant rumination on this symptom or that treatment had made her late for her turn in the community school pick-up, she exclaims, “I can’t have cancer, I have carpool!”
The Power of Motherhood
The carpool responsibility becomes a metaphor for finding the purpose one needs to keep going in the face of an uncertain cancer prognosis. For Hodges, remaining fully in the various roles of being a mother, becomes her priority. Her book, she says, “…Isn’t about multi-tasking through an illness; it’s about discovering how motherhood can empower you and restore your sense of control while facing your disease.” (page X)
Hodges offers insight and advice about informing the kids about the diagnosis and keeping their busy activity schedules intact. On some days, it was all she can do to drag herself out of bed. She advocates using every available resource of a supportive family and a caring community.
“…You don’t have to sacrifice being a good mother. You will find balance between caring for yourself and being a loving mom. Society has falsely conditioned mothers to believe they must give 100 percent to their families at all times; anything less means falling short of an unrealistic standard. After your diagnosis, you may not be able to give 100 percent of your energy but whether its 40 percent, 20 percent or even 1 percent, it’s sufficient. What you give your children during these early days and weeks will be welcomed, loved, and enough. Hand over the reins if possible; you’ll get them back before you know it.” (page 11)
For young women and their families facing a life-altering cancer diagnosis, the author presents an honest and hopeful memoir of her challenging journey. Cancer patients at any age need not feel overwhelmed and alone. Your friend Elizabeth is lending you a helpful and affectionate hug. It is available through all the major book retailers.
